Banoffee - Got it

She got it. 

Kathleen Hanna’s ponytail forever.
Totes formative shit for me. 

Kathleen Hanna’s ponytail forever.

Totes formative shit for me. 

(Source: hometownsarehell)

(Reblogged from cutesledgehammer)

So I was watching youtubes of Indian comedians and thought I could do better than them, so I’ve been up all night working on a stand-up comedy routine for an Indian audience (a Delhi audience specifically). What the fuck is wrong with me? 

It’s totally hammy, but I figure I need to win a few hearts first before I expose the dark depths of my neuroses. Now that I’m obviously moving to India to become a comedian I need to think long term. 

Maybe you can tell from my appearance that I’m not from around here. I’m actually from Kochi…

Ha, no, I’ve just moved to Kerala from Melbourne. But I’ve only been there a couple of weeks and I’ve already got an uncle working in the Gulf.

So I’m a writer, I write about politics. So will be coming up to Delhi a lot. Primarily for the politics, but also because I’m hungry. I mean, the food down in Kerala is good for my waistline, but not so good for my satisfaction. Obviously, Mother Nature invented food, but Punjabis perfected it.

[whoops from the crowd]

Ha, I was counting on a significant Punjabi presence here tonight. I figure it’s my first set so I’m allowed to pander to the audience a little. I’ll be bring out a load of Pakistani jokes later on.

That said, Punjabis are the true global people, so everyone now realises that Punjabis perfected food.  You can’t go anywhere in the world without coming across Punjabis. You know there’s that joke about Toronto being the second Sikh holy city? Sardars go on their first pilgrimage to the Golden Temple, and then their second to the CN Tower.  In fact the Akalis have actually given up trying to form Khalistan in the Punjab, and are going to carve it out of Ontario instead.

Punjabis are so good getting everywhere that they even go places that no-one else would think of going. Have you noticed this guy Sikandar Raza playing in the Zimbabwean cricket team now? He’s from Sialkot in Pakistan. After he finished school in Sialkot he went to study in the UK. During that time his parents moved to Zimbabwe, and then he followed them.

Now think about that for a minute. Who the fuck would move to Zimbabwe?

You have a collapsed economy, hyperinflation, crumbling infrastructure, an authoritarian dictator who has the police kick the shit out of any opposition supporters, including the opposition leader. But these Punjabis decided “Oh well, at least it’s better than Pakistan…”

Ha, see I told you I was going to be pandering to you guys!

At first I thought it was too easy. But then I decided, fuck it, I want the laughs, I’m just going to feed their prejudices. I’ve been working on Shoaib Akhtar jokes, Musharraf jokes, Taliban jokes, even Jinnah jokes!

Although I’m not dumb enough to have any Kashmir jokes. Don’t want the UP police knocking on my door trying to charge me with treason.

And I thought if none of that went down well,  I’d just go lowest common denominator and find a bunch of different ways to call Inzamam “aloo”.

The rest is a work in progress, but I think that’s a solid start. 

You gotta pet him so he can feel it. 

You gotta pet him so he can feel it. 

(Reblogged from cutesledgehammer)

pangakyunlithasi:

Sex Education in India 

This is the best video i’ve seen in a while. I can’t stop laughing

"The boy inserts his indian culture into the female values" 

(Reblogged from comicsenns)

I’ve been avoiding the scene for several years now, and subsequently lost touch with what is happening, music-wise, around town. However, on Thursday night I went to see my friend Janita play, and supporting her was the above young woman who just happened to be awesome. Since then I’ve been informed that she was one half of Kyü, who were making a few waves on the scene around the time I disappeared from it. So she’s not a fresh face on the scene, but fresh enough to me. Her solo album is apparently going to drop come August and I will totally be getting the load down on it. And maybe even venture out of my room again to see her live. 

Lol I just dropped a codeine in the kitchen and it bounced along the floor and you should have seen me chasing it like a crack whore and crying “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” as it rolled under the fridge. 

Played 25 times

This is my new favourite song for tonight! 

Played 29 times

When my parents are away I borrow my mum’s car. Even though I’m a major public transport enthusiast, one cannot sing loudly and enthusiastically on public transport, but there is no such social etiquette inside a car. 

Back in the day word came back to me that [now famous illustrator] thought I was “cute”. She was in my social group and I was absolutely infatuated with her, but we hadn’t really done much conversation.

A week or so after this information had made it to me, her and I were chatting to each other in a social setting amongst our various other gang members and getting along very well. But being a combination of sexually inhibited and believing strongly that men shouldn’t make moves, nothing occurred between us. Over the following years other dudes without such reservations were able to make moves and make them stick and my cuteness was forgotten. 

One night, however, me and [BFF’s sister] decided to go to a Gaslight Radio show. This was after they’d jumped the shark a little and blended into the ‘by numbers indie” category, with their second and third albums pretty much just sounding like Pavement covering Weezer. 

So [BFF’s sister] and I get to the show and we see [now famous illustrator] there. And so I start talking it up, as is my wont, to [BFF’s sister] saying how tonight was the night I was finally going to make it happen with [now famous illustrator]. We went up and started chatting to her, having a lovely time, but then the drummer from Gaslight Radio comes up and starts putting his hands all over her all familiar like. I got a look from [BFF’s sister] like “You lose, sucka!!” I spent the gig sulking and refused to listen to the band ever again. 

However, yesterday when I was looking for CDs to play in the my mum’s car as I drove around (my mum hasn’t hit the new millennium yet) I noticed a some Gaslight Radio albums and EPs gathering dust in a corner of my CD shelf (actually all the CDs are gathering dust as unlike my mum I am in the new millennium) . So I’ve been driving around reacquainting myself with their early work and attempting to mature emotionally.

They are married now, and dude has put 3 humans in (and out) of her uterus (two in the one shot!), and I feel something like that is probably beyond my capabilities at this stage. So I do have to concede that their relationship has greater substance than my past infatuation. I lost the battle and the war, and deservedly so. 

Plus, Sleeveful of Slight is an amazing song, and pettiness shouldn’t ever get in the way of a good song. 

indophilia:

All you ever wanted to know….

The map is misleading though. Fails to show Pakistani Punjab, which includes the area where Guru Nanak Dev was born and lived near Lahore. The full Punjab region is important to Sikhism. Let’s not 1947 this shit, yo. Borders are a modern construct, not to mention morally suspect and highly detrimental.

(Reblogged from indophilia)