There is a contradiction at the heart of conservatism, says Grant Wyeth, and it is that capitalism in modern times is by its nature rapidly changing and evolving.
My piece in Independent Australia today fucking with your preconceived political ideas.
Firstly, always ride in the first or last carriages. That way you can see them coming from two carriages away. If you’re in the 3rd of 4th carriages you’re riding blind.
Secondly, always sit on the side of the train where most of the platforms will be on. This is so you can see if they are going to get on. This works best if you are in the 1st carriage as you’ll get a view of the whole platform as you go by.
Know your stations and pay extra attention. Stations which are major interchanges, like Richmond, North Melbourne, Clifton Hill, Footscray etc are always going to be more likely to get metcops as they move from line to line. Stations that intersect with tram lines fall under this bracket. Ain’t no filth getting on at Merri, for instance, as it intersects with nothing. These arseholes are lazy. They don’t walk.
Be alert and act casual. If any filth are getting on your carriage, well this is your stop then. Act like it’s your stop. Don’t look startled or spring from your seat. Be cool. They can smell your fear.
Finally, there’s always an exit. Be smart and nimble and you will find it.
I’m like the Jason Bourne of riding on public transport for free. You should have seen that move I just pulled to avoid the metcops. It was beautiful.
Feeding my doge
The timing is right for new and minor parties to make inroads into Australian politics, but the Coalition and Labor are known for jealously guarding their political duopoly.
I’m on the internet today. Talking about politics. Stupid ABC changed my title though which I thought was quite nifty.
Read it at your pleasure.
I hope that pretty girl with flowers on the tram is planning on giving those flowers to another pretty girl.
A Chinese doctor once told me that eating brown rice would be good for my skin. A Chinese medicine doctor, that is. Not a doctor who is Chinese. Although this guy was Chinese as well. My regular doctor is Chinese too. But this guy was a Chinese medicine doctor. They are two different Chinese guys. Anyway, this Chinese medicine doctor told me to eat brown rice. So I eat a lot of brown rice. I don’t really buy any other kind of rice. I can’t recall buying any other recently. Maybe sometime last year I bought some basmati rice, to make some Indian dish. Probably channa masala. I love channa masala. But usually, even if I’m making Indian food, I’ll use brown rice. I was told it was good for my skin, and I really want to have nice skin. When you’re a dude you have to deal with having naturally rougher skin than female skin. Female skin is incredible. Have you ever touched it? Fuck, that shit is amazing! Dude skin is so much crapper. I wish I had female skin. That would be something else. That would really give me some pride and confidence. You can walk down the street with that shit and everyone is going to be jealous. I’d love to make someone jealous with my skin. Really fucking stick it to them. But that’s a bit of a fantasy, I guess. So I eat a lot of brown rice. I don’t think eating brown rice will give me female skin. It would be awesome if it did, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t have the properties to perform that kind of transformation. But I notice my complexion is better when I eat it a lot. There’s a vibrancy to it that is lacking if I haven’t made it for a while. That’s the problem with brown rice. It takes so long to cook. Half an hour on the boil. I mean, it’s easy enough to put it on the stove and walk away for half an hour, but when you’re hungry half an hour is a long time. You really need to plan that shit in advance. So nowadays I usually make just a fucking shitload of brown rice, far more than I’ll need for a meal, and put the rest in the fridge. Some rumour was floating around once that you shouldn’t eat two or three day old rice, but I don’t see why not. It’s never harmed me before. It’s rice. What’s it going to do? Does it turn into AIDS somehow in the fridge? It doesn’t turn into AIDS. I’m pretty sure of that. This rumour going around that rice turns into AIDS if left in the fridge for two days is false. I don’t subscribe to it. I think it’s fine. I think brown rice retains all its skin enhancing properties even after 4 days in the fridge. I’m going to ask my Chinese doctor what he thinks about rice left in the fridge. Both Chinese doctors. I’ll ask them both.
Maybe my fondness for girls with short hair is some kind of gay thing?
I received these words of wisdom this morning from a guy who had just got out of jail after serving 24 years for attempting to rob and bank and blowing the bank manager’s face off with a double-barrel shotgun.
He also told me that he could “throw me over that truck if I ever crossed him”, when he was telling me how strong he was. I told him I wasn’t very strong and I had moved a fridge yesterday and it was a nightmare. He said a real nightmare was him if he’d gone 3 hours without a smoke and he asked someone for money for a pack of smokes and they refused. He would fucking kill them.
Then he gave me $2 for some reason, and told me the above quote.
It was an interesting conversation. Possibly my first ever conversation with a murderer (politicians aside). But he had a cool dog, and I always stop and chat with people who have cool dogs.
